Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Leaving but not quite yet

 

You're just going have to trust me on this one......

It was cold, the usual cold spell in Seattle March mixed in with amazing whispers of sun and spring that tease to not wear that winter coat anymore.  Terry and I both felt we were coming out of a dark, wet cave as we drove from our home in Lake City south to our friend Steve's new digs in the downtown Seattle, WA/ core area.  It was always nostalgic for me to come to these blocks having grown up less than a mile away.

As Steve cooked his genius mixtures of Mexicano bliss Terry settled into read the "Street Roots" newspaper.  I could see him shiver as he read so I approached with a blanket and gently spread it on him remarking he would catch cold.  His hands had been frostbitten years ago and somehow hitting his 60's was making them worse and also brought more comments of "I am cold to the bone" and "Is it colder then usual this winter?" and "It's only 7:45pm and I want to go to bed, it's sooo dark out".

As I walked away and into the kitchen to check on the amazing smells I whispered to myself "it's nicer in Arizona this time of year".  It was the kinda comment that comes out of no where and has nothing to do with any other kind of conversation going on, I didn't think anyone could hear my inner wish to get the hcck out of this cold...... it was always in my head - visions of the sun, driving in the sunshine, walking in it, laying by a pool or some such thing, getting so hot from the sun that you....well you get burned or get that yummy brown tan.  Mom said I always got "brown as a berry".   I could leave today, now, ASAP for someplace sunny.

We lived in Phoenix for awhile and if I had known what it was like 30 years ago would have moved.  Oh the semi-tropical flowers and birds...heaven. 

 Upon hearing my seemly silent comment Terry put the paper down with a deep and obvious sigh and walked to the window looking out on the cold rain pouring down and said "Lynneeee! Now don't start with the moving stuff again" half laughing.

 
 Often our marriage reminded me of a I Love Lucy episode as my practical, grounded husband tried to deal with my quirky, way-out and often unpredictable exculpates.  Sometimes they had lead us to Hawaii, the San Juan Islands and a 15 month caretaking job right on the Columbia River.  I knew he - underneath it all  could not wait for the next adventure. 
 

His comments of....... why we could not leave and it's soooo much work to move....... continued for another 10 minutes and I just listened. I knew after 29 years of marriage this is how he worked issues out.  I mentioned a word or two and then his executive underwriter/accountant brain would take over to dissect every avenue positive or negative until some kind of inner peace could be found.

I didn't mean to mention Arizona and upset him but I knew somehow we were going to move.  No question about it.  And I wanted to go to someplace very specific, I had become obsessed, so to speak with Bisbee Arizona. 

It wasn't my faulty though but Steve's.  He was so patient as my eyes glazed over speaking to him about wanting, needing the sun during the rain, rain, rain, rain from October to May and how the summer does not start here in Seattle till July sometimes and only lasts till September if we were honest..... how I had to plant the garden three times because we got rained out and how the background would turn to mud and green moss, I found myself in a tanning bed despite the dangers and all the vitamin D I took and went out of my way to get outside....in the rain to look that at the grey sky thinking maybe I would get some full spectrum lighting effects and then buying the full spectrum lighting for home and yes even for the workplace...on my own dollar...you know those long tube types and yes even a "light box" to sit in front of and how I felt like a damp washcloth and how I wanted to sleep most of the day but thankfuly was not depressed and so I had now become addicted to coffee and how I was outside the instant the weather would allow it....with shorts and a tank top on. 

He just said "You need to go to Bisbee". 



"Huh" I said,"Where and what is Bisbee?".  He explained it was an artist colony, wild west old mining town up in the Mule Mountains of South Central Arizona almost on the Mexican border.


Terry said I became completely "possessed" as I dashed to the computer and excitedly read Wikipedia's definition and then the AAPR's 2012 Bisbee as "One of America's Quirkiest Cities" and also it had the one of the largest democratic populations in Arizona and was gay friendly.  The weather seemed amazing,  the air quality pure, the community accepting and that was all I needed.  Upon further investigation there was major shopping in Sierra Vista 20 miles to the West so we would not really be that isolated....hopefully.  




Terry then asked when dinner would be ready but I did not hear.  I just pointed to the map and said "Ok that is it! I found our place!".  I dashed out again and hugged Steve for a couple minutes and explained our 5 year quest to find our place in the sun. 

It started sometime back when we were just starting to feel noitce the cold, damp in our bones more and more.  Often I would find Terry looking at houses in Tucson, Phoenix, Las Cruces, Flagstaff, Las Vegas, Blouder City and Pagosa Springs real estate.  I looked at every area in depth.  We even went on a 4200 mile roadtrip trying to find "the spot" through 8 states but alas nothing really hit us as "the place". 




Poor Terry just rolled his eyes and said again "Lynneee!, get a handle on this now, you know we can't move now....we have so much to do, settle down.  He looked at Steve and said it was just a phase and next week it would be some other town.   

Steve then added "Seattle is kinda like a large Bisbee maybe" hoping to convince me to come back to sanity.   He was right.  Seattle has this quirky, hip vib going on and I saw it starting in the late 60's to what it has become now.  I can't describe what the appeal is, what the draw is for so many but yes you don't have to go too far in Seattle to see the quirkiness. 

We decided to take a walk then after dinner as Terry said it "would clear your head dear".  As the rain poured we walked and yes indeed Seattle did not let us down. 




 
 
 
 
As we walked my shoes got wet and my mascara began to melt down my face from the wet, cold, damp rain and I felt in a daze and simply....miserable.  In a shivering soft voice almost catatonic I said  that this would be one of the last times I would be in Portland.  They asked how I could be so sure and how so many wanted to come here.  I thought about it but could not answer. why.  We keep shooting photos for an another 20 minutes till the rain was running down our faces.  I had plenty of photos of Seattle but wanted more somehow, maybe to just remember why I stayed so long and why I wanted to leave now after 60 years.  
 
 
 
 
 
 

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